So, at what point did we decide, as mostly women, that it's not okay to sit down and do absolutely nothing?? Like watch TV, read a book, do a puzzle, work on a craft or needle work, etc? I mean, I am sure we have all done these kind of things and hopefully will continue to do so, but at what point do we stop feeling guilty for it? Maybe I'm all alone in this way of thinking because I have always carried a guilty feeling. I still do but to a lesser degree. If I wasn't doing laundry or cleaning the kitchen or grocery shopping or doing something for the kids, husband or house, I felt like a big ole slacker. I felt like I wasn't a good mom/wife. I felt like I was just being lazy. Or I felt like I was perceived as being lazy.
That's not the case at all. As women, I believe we are programmed from a young age to be a little Susie Homemaker. And don't get me wrong, I love being a wife and a mom! It's taken me basically my whole life to realize that those two things do not define who I am. Yes, they are a big part of who I am. I AM a wife. I AM a mom but I am also Michelle.
Of course when my kids were younger there was more to do than when they were older. But even when I would spend days driving them places, volunteering at their schools, making lunches, etc, etc, etc, I would feel extremely guilty taking some time out of the day for myself. To do nothing. To rest. To do just the minimum self care. Now, did I take breaks and whatever? You bet I did! But that doesn't mean that I never had guilty feelings about doing so. I didn't want my kids or my husband or anyone thinking badly of me! "She's a lazy ass!" Those words were in my own head. Those were MY thoughts! If others thought that, too, well, that is on them. I have zero control over how or what others think of me. I am only responsible for my own thoughts and feelings. A sad reality is it's taken me many, many years to figure that out.
Also, I want to make it perfectly clear that my husband has never made me feel that guilt for just chillin'! That's totally a "me" thing!!
Fast forward to present. I am 61 years old and I STILL have feelings of guilt when I am sitting on the couch working on my cross stitch, for example. Why? Pffft, beats me. I guess it goes back to how I am wired. How I, as well as probably many other women, have been programmed to feel.
It's just me and my husband now. We have been empty nesters for several years now. He likes to go, go, go! Me? Not so much! LOL He always seem to be doing something, whether it's plowing snow from the driveway, splitting wood, something around the house, whatever. For example, as I type this he is in the basement working on a new wall of shelving we are putting in the family room. While I sit cross stitching. :) (Actually at this moment I am now typing this post...lol) Later he will come upstairs, have lunch or a snack or something and sit around for however long and probably play games on his phone or scroll reels, etc. And my guess is there will be no feelings of guilt. And that's ok! There shouldn't be! But yet, I could clean out 3 closets, do 6 loads of laundry, grocery shop, plant care, blah, blah, blah but as soon as I sit down my brain says "you're a lazy ass, Michelle!"
Does that feeling ever go away?
When he went downstairs and I was sitting, doing nothing, working on my cross stitch, I felt this immediate feeling that I needed to get up and get my ass busy! Guilt because he was being productive and I was not? That's what prompted this post, WHY did I feel that way? It's perfectly okay to do "nothing". It might not be productive to the house/home/husband but it's productive and quite beneficial for ME! It's something that makes me happy and takes my mind off the shit going on in the country. It's self care that I NEED to be the best version of me.
I am working hard on kicking that feeling of guilt to the curb. I know that it's never going to completely go away but I can feel it lessening more and more with each passing day. :)
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